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Fic - Armageddon Is on Channel Eleven (Ensemble) pg-13, 1/1
Title: Armageddon is on Channel Eleven
Summary: At least we're not the ones inheriting this mess.
Rating: pg-13
Author's Notes: 1,535 words. Written after Thursday's VP debate. Cracktastic. Slightly AU, future-fic considering Bartlet would have had to serve his two terms and a Republican would have taken office after him. Assumed Josh/Donna and Sam/Ainsley relationships. Not republican friendly in the slightest, so don't read if you're easily offended. Also, keep in mind that the Bartlet Administration, while exceptionally fantastic and bipartisan most of the time, did not miss an opportunity to poke fun at the opposition.
“Here,” CJ said, passing a glass of wine to Donna. “We’re going to drink every time she says something stupid.”
Donna stared at her glass for a moment. “I think I already need another glass.”
“I think you already need another bottle,” Toby piped in.
“Has it started yet?” Sam exited the kitchen, beer in hand.
“First question. We won the coin toss.”
“Naturally. Let’s hope that’s an indication of the way the rest of the night is going to go.”
“It will be,” Josh said, popping a few pieces of popcorn into his mouth.
“Somebody’s cocky.”
“I’m optimistic,” he proclaimed proudly and Donna rolled her eyes. “What?”
“It’s just Josh Lyman and optimistic are two words you don’t generally hear in the same sentence, that’s all.”
“I’m plenty optimistic. I’m a glass half full type of guy. You look up optimistic in the dictionary and you’ll see my picture and to tell you the truth, Donnatella, I’m extremely upset that after so many years of knowing me that you don’t know this.”
“Oh- kay.”
“Sam, tell Donna I’m optimistic.”
“Donna he’s optimistic.”
“Sam!”
“What?”
“Say it with meaning; you’re not helping my case here.”
“Josh seriously what the –“
“ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!”
Silence was what met Toby’s outburst.
“Thank you.”
“You too, sparky, don’t encourage him.”
“Did you just call me sparky?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Okay, you’ve been spending way too much time with CJ.”
“Shut up.”
Sam frowned. “Fine.”
“And don’t give me that wounded puppy dog look, you had it coming.”
“I do no such thing,” he defended indignantly with narrowed eyes.
CJ sipped her wine and motioned for Donna to do the same as the person on the TV said something particularly unintelligent. “You know,” she began, “It’s a shame that those small business owners she speaks so fondly of won’t even exist because of the long string of bad economic choices made by her running mate’s mentor.”
“It’s a shame that she has no idea what the hell she’s talking about,” Toby piped in grimly which was met by a round of cheers.
“She has really big hair,” CJ commented after a long moment.
Donna giggled. “That’s because it’s full of secrets.”
“More like full of bullshit.”
“When she doesn’t know an answer she just pulls it out of her hair,” CJ laughed.
Sam narrowed his eyes at the TV. “You know, global warming is probably caused by the amount of hairspray she uses each morning. Do you think we could launch an investigation into this? Call some old friends up?”
“Did she just wink at the television screen?” Donna asked as she poured herself and CJ yet another glass of wine.
“Is that what that was?”
“Looked like a twitch to me.”
“Maybe the pressure’s getting to her.”
“Maybe she –“
Josh cut off CJ’s retort by shouting something strongly resembling that of a ‘boo’ and tossing popcorn towards the TV after a surprisingly effective return from the Republican Vice Presidential nominee.
Donna shot him an incredulous look. “Did you just boo the TV?”
“The mere sight of her and sound of her voice generally upsets me. I can’t help it.”
“Are you five?”
“Don’t mock me.”
Donna didn’t look away from the TV. “Don’t make it so easy.”
“Okay,” Toby cut in. “You,” he pointed his beer in Josh’s direction, “are not allowed to talk anymore.”
“Hey!”
“We’re taking a vote. Donna?”
“Nope.”
“Sam?”
“Nope.”
Josh looked towards CJ expectantly. She shrugged. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m really not.”
“You all are traitors and you know what? This is my house; therefore my vote outranks you all.”
Everybody ignored him.
“Did you know that the current warming trend is thought to be linked to natural variability where the planet goes through both warming and cooling phases, a process of sorts similar to self –regulation and, in all actuality, human involvement, while a contributing factor, is thought to have minimal effect?”
“As a matter of fact Mr. Smarty Pants, I did.” CJ thought for a moment and sipped her wine. “Do you think she knows that?”
“I hope that’s a rhetoric question.”
“New game,” Donna proclaimed as she refilled her wine glass. “Drink every time she says ‘darn right’.”
“Or when she winks at the camera,” Sam contributed.
“She winked at the camera?” Josh asked. “How did I miss that?”
“You were running your mouth,” Toby told him pointedly. “Like you so often are when important things are happening.”
“You call this important?”
“The future of our country could very well one day end up in the hands of one of these people. Yes, I call this important.”
“You know,” Sam cut in, pointing an accusing finger towards the TV. “I’m glad that we’ve established the fact that being homosexual is now a choice. I’m glad we have some real, hard scientific proof to back that accusation.”
“Well, even if they did have scientific proof it’s not like they’d know what to do with it --”
“Or admit it for that matter. It would discredit half of their belief system.”
Josh looked pointedly in Sam’s direction. “I can’t believe you date one of these people.”
“To Sam’s defense, Ainsley doesn’t really count.”
“Is she republican?”
“Well,” Sam stuttered, “technically, yes –”
“Then she counts,” Josh pointed out sourly.
“Is it wrong,” CJ started, cutting off what was sure to be a scathing retort from Sam, “that as a woman, it genuinely upsets me that it’s a very strong possibility she will end up being the first woman in the white house?”
“No,” Donna shook her head and a particular look of disgust covered her features. “It upsets me, too.”
“It upsets Amy Gardner, that’s how bad it is.”
“Mary Marsh and Ann Stark are probably shitting their pants right now,” Josh said grimly. He took a large swig of his beer and mumbled something particularly nasty about the opposing party.
“You’re ticket’s energy ticket also?” Sam snorted with mirth. “Four colleges in five years and you would think she would have learned how to speak correctly. I guess that’s quite a leap, though.”
“You think she would have learned a thing or two about adjectives, too. Say, you know, coming up with something other than the word maverick to describe your running mate.”
“Is there another adjective to describe her running mate?”
“Bland.”
“Old.”
“Ancient.”
“Jesus,” Toby groaned in interruption. “Did she really just quote Ronald Reagan? What idiot told her that was a good idea?”
“A republican?” Donna offered.
Sam laughed and tipped his beer towards the TV. “Pretty ballsy quoting the president who by in large is the reason our economy is so screwed up right now.”
“Or ignorance,” CJ pointed out. “Who knows with these crazy kids.”
They paused their bickering long enough to watch the closing statements. A silence fell over them, long, thoughtful, and the prospect of an uncertain future weighed heavily on their shoulders. A republican white house, a democratic white house, most of them thought it didn’t much matter. What did matter was that it wasn’t theirs anymore and that was a fact that was just as scary as it was depressing.
“Well that was decidedly painful,” Donna said grimly, sipping her last bit of wine as the moderator called for the end of the debate.
“I thought she did okay,” Sam, always the idealist, said quietly. Everyone glared in his direction. “Well, you know,” he motioned with his hand idly towards the TV, “considering.”
“I thought he did well, though,” Donna supplied.
“Of course he did. Democrats are natural born debaters,” Josh boasted proudly, to which most everyone merely rolled their eyes.
“He did okay,” CJ lamented after a minute.
“We would have done it better.”
It was Toby who voiced the thought that was on all their minds.
Josh sighed heavily and echoed throughout the quiet room. “Republicans moving into my office –“
“Sleeping on my couch.”
“Making themselves right at home in my press room,” CJ added sourly and this is not a conversation they haven’t had many, many times before.
“Further undoing all the good we started.”
Sam shook his head and twirled his beer bottle between his fingers. “At least we’re not the ones inheriting this mess.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Toby said and downed another gulp of his beer.
Josh crossed his arms over his chest and looked always from the TV. “I don’t miss it.”
CJ shook her head. “Not at all.”
“What’s to miss? The long hours?”
“The crappy pay?”
Toby grinned mirthlessly and ran a hand over his beard. “The part where we’re doing something that actually matters?”
Sam sighed. “That, too.”
“I miss it,” Donna admitted after a long bout of silence.
CJ sighed. “Me, too.”
Josh settled back into his couch and muted the television. CNN and CSPAN were already making comments on who they thought to be the official winner, but none of them really cared.
It was still, even now, hard to see the presidency from an outsider’s view. None of them even truly believed that it was an adjustment they’ll ever fully make.
It was silent for a long, long time.
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Drink every time she says ‘darn right’
This was actually part of our VP debate drinking game :)
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Glad you liked it. Thanks for reading!
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dirty, rottenRepublicans (who likes to think she can take the 'poking fun of' rather well), I enjoyed it.I can see them gathering at someone's house and mocking the Republican Veep nominee. It's well in character and makes me want to hunt up my TWW dvds.
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God, I miss this show.
Also, I'm glad it didn't offend you -- I was a little worried about posting it because I didn't want anyone to get upset, but honestly was in good fun!
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There should be some sort of sequel. With Ainsley.
“You’re ticket’s energy ticket also?” Sam snorted with mirth. “Four colleges in five years and you would think she would have learned how to speak correctly. I guess that’s quite a leap, though.”
“You think she would have learned a thing or two about adjectives, too. Say, you know, coming up with something other than the word maverick to describe your running mate.”
“Is there another adjective to describe her running mate?”
“Bland.”
“Old.”
“Ancient.”
“Jesus,” Toby groaned in interruption. “Did she really just quote Ronald Reagan? What idiot told her that was a good idea?”
Seriously, so much love.
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I'm glad you liked it! I was a little worried about posting it, so I'm glad to hear it worked for you. Thanks for reading!
(Also, I have bookmarked all your Barney/Robin drabbles to read this weekend and am so excited. And I know that was totally random.)
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I suck at replying to comments
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I miss this show so much, especially now with all the turmoil this country is in. Why oh Why can't Jed Bartlet be a real person?
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Great job!
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Anyway, thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it :)
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And I love your icon!
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This was so perfectly in character. And I love Sam's defense of Ainsley, that she doesn't really count as a republican, cause I can't really see Ainsley liking Sarah Palin.
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AINSLEY WOULD HATE SARAH PALIN. I mean, really? I can see her just shaking her head in shame every time she opened her mouth LOL.
Thank you for reading!
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Definately memming this one!!
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Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed this :)
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thanks for reading!
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Donna giggled. “That’s because it’s full of secrets.”
“More like full of bullshit.”
“When she doesn’t know an answer she just pulls it out of her hair,” CJ laughed.
Totally and completely made of WIN!
You can't imagine how many times I thought what would their oppinion be related to this US election, I could almost hear them. This makes me realize how much I miss this show.
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Thanks for this post,
Liz
I suck at replying to comments
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It was perfect, I think I'll read it a few more times. ♥
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Thank you for reading!
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SECOND... THIS. WAS. AWESOME. Oh this was perfect. I was thinking about something JUST LIKE THIS as I watched that cracked out debate and you wrote it... and wow. So good.
The Sam/Josh dynamic was perfect.
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Thank you for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
Re: I suck at replying to comments
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A++++++++++!!
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provides access
(Anonymous) 2011-01-17 12:18 am (UTC)(link)